“A study released Tuesday by the Stanford University Department of Linguistics revealed that nearly two-thirds of all animal species have been adopted to describe various gay subcultures… The study concluded that if immediate conservation measures are not taken, all animal species will be exhausted by 2015 and the gay community will have to start dipping into the plant kingdom.” —
The Onion | Report: 65% Of All Wildlife Now Used As Homosexual Subculture Signifier
We demand a shrubbery!
“Men have become so openly affectionate with each other using mobile technology they’ve taken to signing off text messages to male friends with a kiss (x), giving rise to a new generation dubbed “Metrotextuals.” —
Phone texting reveals sensitive new metrotextual
They have to be coming up with the portmanteau first and then making up the trend story after, right?
“A-Rod has a lot of money, and (presumably) a lot of vanity. Just think about all the other mythological scenes he could have had painted over his bed: The entrance to Hades with A-Rod as both Hades himself and Cerberus, the three-headed dog; A giant portrait of Medusa’s head, with the heads of all the snakes replaced by A-Rod’s face; A-Rod as young Zeus, freeing all of his siblings (all with matching A-Rod faces) from the belly of his father Cronus (also A-Rod). It could have been so much more spectacularly ridiculous and bombastically ego-centric.” —
The Hater | Evidence That A-Rod Is Really, Really Dull
I really, really want to be friends with Amelie Gillette.
“A former Rodriguez fling remembers seeing portraits of the slugger, 34, as a centaur hanging over his bed. “He was so vain,” his ex tells Us Weekly. “He had not one, but two painted portraits of himself as a centaur. You know, the half man, half horse figure?” —
Ex: A-Rod Had Portraits of Himself as Centaur Hanging Over His Bed
Are you a pre-op trans centaur?
They should have recruited ninja cat.
Acoustic Kitty was a CIA project in the 1960s attempting to use cats in spy missions. A battery and a microphone were implanted into a cat and an antenna into its tail. Due to problems with distraction, the cat’s sense of hunger had to be addressed in another operation. Surgical and training expenses are thought to have amounted to over $20 million. The first cat mission was eavesdropping on two men in a park. The cat was released nearby, but was hit and killed by a taxi almost immediately. (via Kaylie)
pwnd! But really, this is like the greatest thing I have ever read.
wind-chime-ish
Has school turned my brain to mush? This made me laugh way too much.
